Discipleship 101: Nuts and Bolts

We looked at discipleship through the eyes of James 5:16, Hebrews10:23-25, and Hebrews 3:13. These passages encourage us to meettogether often as believers, to have rich face-to-face relationships,to confess our struggles, to motivate one another to love and gooddeeds, to help one another to unearth our deepest sins, and toencourage one another to set our hope fully on Christ.

How do we have these kinds of relationships? How do we develop godly discipleship relationships in the body of Christ?

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Step 1: Make your discipleship vision known in the church

When Jesus called fishermen to follow Him there was a clear culturalunderstanding of the relationship he was asking to have with them. Thisis not the case today. However, we have some cultural parallels to thediscipleship model: the clearest and closest is that of “mentorship.”

As potential spiritual mentors and mentees, we need to cast a visionof real mentorship in our churches and see if God is raising up men andwomen who identify with this same burden. There are many contexts inwhich we can state our renewed vision for discipleship: a Sunday schoolclass, a Bible study, or in private conversation. If you are a leader,speak with your fellow leaders about this vision. Use your platform inthe church to state the vision when the time is right. If you are alayperson, start with the leadership of your church, your elders andteachers, and share your burden.

Most importantly, simply begin practicing it. Older Christians,approach younger believers you already know and express an interest indeveloping a mentorship relationship. You may be surprised at thereaction.

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Step 2: Foster genuine friendships

Jesus was not an austere, detached rabbi to His disciples. He wastheir friend (John 15:15). He called them His brothers, sisters, andmothers (Matthew 12:50). He stayed in their homes and ate their food.They traveled with Him, attended social functions with Him, and prayedwith Him.

Find the most natural friendship and family settings and invite yourmentor or mentee into them: a family outing, the dinner table, a coffeeshop, a long drive, running an errand. Combined with formal times ofprayer and Bible exploration, we can start building friendships thatmatter and impact our hearts.

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Step 3: Start with your known struggles and victories

Take time to share spiritual autobiographies. Talk about your“sovereign beginnings,” your upbringing, family, significant lifeevents. Talk about the spiritual landmarks of your lives: the firsttime the gospel became real to you, the mountaintop experiences offaith, or the valleys of doubt.

Start with what you know: what have you struggled with or what doyou struggle with the most? What sins stick out like a sore thumb? Whatis your most obvious character flaw? If the closest person to you wereasked, what would he or she say is your biggest weakness?

If you are really brave, you can play the “If you really knew me”game. This is where you are given 2 minutes (no more) to complete thesentence, “If you really knew me . . .” In just 2 minutes, being ashonest as possible, complete that sentence over and over. You’ll besurprised what you will confess.

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Step 4: Make knowing the heart your journey

When David saw the penetrating depth of his sin, he prayed, “Behold,you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom inthe secret heart” (Psalm 51:6). It is the “secret heart,” the innerplaces hidden even to us, where sin is born. It is also wheretransformation takes place.

Solomon noted, “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, buta man of understanding will draw it out” (Proverbs 20:5). What ablessing it is to have a true “man of understanding” in our midst,someone who can draw out of us the deep motivations and intentions ofour hearts, someone who can help us see what makes us tick. Withskillful questions and probing thoughts he drops a bucket deep into ourhearts and draws out observations about ourselves which we are afraidto admit, even things we have never noticed before.

Jesus was certainly a man of understanding. He refuses to remain onthe surface. With piercing prophetic insight, Jesus was able to ask theright questions and get to the heart of a matter.

How do we become a man of understanding? First, like Solomon, wemust pray for it. God will give wisdom to those who ask in faith.

Second, we must make knowing the heart the stated goal in ourdiscipleship. Mentors and mentees must agree that they will not besatisfied with mere appearances. It isn’t merely about behavioralaccountability, but motivational accountability. Jonathan Dodson suggests a list of questions that get to heart-motivations:

1. What are you desiring more than anything else?
2. What do you find yourself day dreaming or fantasizing about?
3. What lies are you subtly believing that undermine the truth of the gospel?
4. Are you astonished with the gospel?
5. Where have you made much of yourself and little of God?
6. Is technology stealing attention from your family?
7. Is work replacing your spouse’s place in your heart?
8. Where do your thoughts drift to when you enter a social setting?
9. What fears are paralyzing your heart from enjoying God?
10. What consumes your thoughts when you have alone time?

Last, we must become students of our own sinful nature. We mustbecome proficient at understanding “the secret heart” of others as wecome to understand our own. The Scriptures are fully sufficient to helpus with this. Each Bible character is a mirror through which peoplemight spot their deepest fears and sins (1 Corinthians 10:6). God’sperfect law is like a mirror that helps us to see who we really are(James 1:22-25; Hebrews 4:12-13). We are to read God’s words ofinstruction and notice how it provokes in us our most covetous desires,showing us the utter sinfulness of our hearts (Romans 7:7-13). Thebetter we become at understanding how sin is at work in ourselves, themore we can help others do the same.

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Step 5: Make loving God your goal

Discipleship is not about convincing someone else how little we aresinning so that they can think well of us. It is about being a tool inthe hand of God for someone else’s spiritual formation. Larry Crabbdoes an excellent job defining spiritual formation:

“Spiritual Formation: The process bywhich the Holy Spirit does two great works. First, He exposeseverything in us that blocks a deeply satisfying encounter with God,and He makes us hate it. And then secondly, He develops an appetite forGod, until it’s stronger than any other desire in us—till we want toknow and reflect God more than we want our kids to turn out right, ourhealth to improve, our marriages to be better . . . anything.”

With this in mind, discipleship is about being a means of grace forothers; it is relating to one another so that we might be godly toolsof true spiritual formation. It is about stirring in one another a deepand abiding appetite for God, a hunger for Him. Discipleship is abouthelping each other to see our idols so that we can repent and make Godthe focus of all our worship.

How do we do this in discipleship relationships? There is no how-tomethod to this. It simply must be learned in the context of realrelationships.

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Good books to take you further:

Battling Unbelief: Defeating Sin with Superior Pleasure, by John Piper

Becoming a True Spiritual Community: A Profound Vision of What the Church Can Be, by Larry Crabb

Connecting: The Mentoring Relationships You Need to Succeed, by Paul D. Stanley and Robert Clinton

Inside Out, by Larry Crabb

Respectable Sins, by Jerry Bridges

Seeing with New Eyes, by David Powlison

Speaking the Truth in Love, by David Powlison

Soul Talk: Speaking with Power Into the Lives of Others, by Larry Crabb

When I Don’t Desire God, by John Piper

You Can Change, by Tim Chester

 

 

• By: Luke Gilkerson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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